if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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