I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
