Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
