Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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