Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
