Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
