She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
