Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
