he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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