Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
