i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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