It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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