dude i'm inner monologue high
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
