Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
