Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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