im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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