the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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