I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
