I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
