I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I believe in your delicious
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
