last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
