I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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