you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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