you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
