i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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