All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
