Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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