Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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