so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
there was a trapeze. enough said
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
