I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
