just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
