Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
