You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize