according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
