Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
