i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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