i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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