I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
