Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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