Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
