I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
