Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize