She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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