Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize