guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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