1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
