We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it was like eating out sand paper
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
