4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
