Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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