There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
