Moan for me like Helen Keller
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize