absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
