you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
