please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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