we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You have to summon your inner elephant
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
