I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
