Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Welp...herpes.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
