she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Found your dick twin last night
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
