the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
