I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
