i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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