Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
