my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
