When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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