New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
