Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
