piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
