you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We named our party play list daddy issues
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
