In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
