I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You ate ashes out of my bong
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
