god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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