So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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