she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
