You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize