He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
