your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
