There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
