I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
