Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
