Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
