so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
